


Uniting is harder than it seems

by ScottishPirate



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-15
Updated: 2015-10-15
Packaged: 2018-04-26 13:24:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5006422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScottishPirate/pseuds/ScottishPirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur and Alasdair have thrown themselves into a passionate relationship without giving it a second thought, but their sneaking around and hiding from their siblings is starting to take it's tool on Arthur. After re-thinking their entire situation he's forced to make a hard choice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Uniting is harder than it seems

There was a buzzing in Arthur’s ears when he woke that morning. It was must have been nine or ten o’clock already, judging from the light streaming in from the window: the light that was falling on Alasdair’s chest, making his lightly freckled skin glow.

He was still sound asleep, Alasdair. Arthur had been woken by the guilt in his stomach that he had been fighting for more than a week now. He realised that what they were doing was wrong and that it could never lead anywhere. What would not Daimhin and Dylan think if they knew Alasdair and Arthur had been screwing around for almost a month? He was not sure if he thought Daimhin would be disgusted or laugh until she fell over, and neither was he sure which option felt the least like a blow to his stomach. And his pride.

He looked at Alasdair’s face. He looked so free of cares and worries. Even in his sleep there was the ghost of a smile on his lips, and all night he would wrap his arms around Arthur and pull him close. As if they were lovers. As if they could ever be lovers.

Things had been weird after their union. Being under the same King had been strange enough – and a Scottish king at that, who would have bloody thought – they had been working together closer than ever before, even if they were still sovereign states. The two of them merging like this was a good thing, right? They could put years and years of rivalry behind them, could they not?

The answer was “Somewhat.” Whenever they had been in a room together, they would still be bantering loudly with each other or straight up insulting the other to their face. There was another tone in it now, however. It was not as ill-willed as it had been before. Actually, it was almost pleasant. There was a sort of warm atmosphere around Alasdair, even when Arthur wished the bloke would keep his big mouth shut. The twinkle in Alasdair’s eye, the winks, the smiles he had sent Arthur while joking about useless Englishmen.

He had been so blind to the tension between them for almost three years. Which was not too long for nations, that is true, but it meant that there was plenty of time for the two of them to build up quite a bit of well … Now, Arthur guessed there was no point in not calling it sexual … what, attraction? Desire? 

Arthur turned on his back, staring at the ceiling, and trying to remember what he had felt that evening when both of them had lost it. He tried to recall the sweet rush of adrenaline, he tried to remember how yelling and screaming could be so _satisfying._

They had been in the middle of an argument. About what? Some silly thing. Something pity. But it had gotten out of hand. Arthur had been standing by his desk and Alasdair had been pacing the room, making big hand gestures as he was exasperatedly trying to convince Arthur to stop being a “blown-up, insufferable twat”, both their faces growing redder with anger by the minute, shaking fists at each other.

It had been Arthur who snapped, which was on its own remarkable; typically Alasdair was the one who could not keep his temper down at an acceptable level. Alasdair had been getting too close, leaning over Arthur, making Arthur feel small.  And Arthur had pushed him back.

It had felt so good, when Alasdair actually was forced to take a step back, which he had continued without even thinking twice. While yelling out each of his points and arguments, the pushes to Alasdair’s chest became harder, until Alasdair had grabbed Arthur’s wrist.

It was kind of a blur how the fight had gone down. Arthur didn’t remember much between him spitting in Alasdair’s face and Alasdair pinning Arthur against a bookshelf. But quite the most comfortable spot to be pinned.  
The day after he found that everything had been swept off the table, but he didn’t remember when or how that had happened. Maybe that had been an after effect of what had happened next. The tension between the two of them had been too much for Alasdair, who had chosen the _absolutely perfect_ moment to kiss Arthur. Who didn’t want to be kissed like that while they were having a telescope and a bible pressed against their spine? And having a hand around his throat definitely topped it off.

Arthur snorted, smiling weakly at the ceiling. Yes, he could scoff as much as he wanted now, but that evening it had been quite magical, had it not. Slowly, he sat up, trying not to make the bed creak and wake Alasdair. He ran his fingers through his choppy blonde hair. He couldn’t believe that evening had ever actually taken place. He couldn’t believe they had had sex after a fight, couldn’t believe he had enjoyed the aggression they had expressed towards each other. But lord, had it been good to let of some steam.

And it had continued. For almost a month, they had been swallowed by their own passion, they had been sucked into the adventure, the adrenaline, the fear of getting caught. It was exciting and … And nice …

But then he had started feeling guilty. Maybe because he could see what this was doing to Alasdair. Nothing negative, no … Nono, he thought that maybe … Maybe Alasdair was actually … Falling in love with him? And somehow that, more than anything else, made him want to stop what they were doing. It wasn’t that he didn’t love Alasdair back, actually he .. wasn’t sure if he did or not. What made him feel awkward was the fact that Arthur had been the second choice all of his life. Always felt like he was second best or unwanted. Drest, the father of his siblings, had not wanted Arthur around. Francis had always had more exciting lovers to see to, Alasdair – Well … What if Alasdair deserved better than him?

No one deserved the pain that would ultimately follow having to hide their love. No one deserved ridicule or pain because they loved someone they could never have.

Better … break this off before it got too far.

He felt a hand on his back, fingers tracing down his spine. He didn’t even look at Alasdair, he rose from the bed and started getting dressed without as much as a “Goodmorning”.

Alasdair watched Arthur from the bed, frowning slightly. There was something different about Arthur this morning. He reached out for Arthur’s hand but was completely ignored. The Englishman’s stern look, and the refusal to look at Alasdair …

It was with a sigh the Scot lay back down as Arthur left the room. Unlike his lover, he had not been second-guessing their relationship. He had been happy and content, having daydreamt and wished and hoped for better days to come, and had not noticed Arthur starting to pull away.

After this day, it would be clear, however. Arthur would be avoiding his touches, not engage in discussions that held no importance, and would not be alone in a room with Alasdair.

It was over. And not a word had been spoken to end it.


End file.
